i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
