Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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