I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
