Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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