you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
