you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
