Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i barfeds in our rink
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
