All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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