i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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