True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
