i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
