I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize