tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
