i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
