Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize