the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
