he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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