I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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