TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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