nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
