I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize