all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
