She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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