that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
