Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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