it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
