i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
