I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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