; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
