Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
