so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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