So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize