In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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