i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
