Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
