i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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