Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize