My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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