she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
