I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
