I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
