Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
