my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
