we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
