Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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