I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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