This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
