That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
