You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
