what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
