Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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