Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
