I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
