I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize