physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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