So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize