idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
