a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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