Sry I called you an 8
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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