Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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