I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
