well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
