i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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