I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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