You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
