just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
