just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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