I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize