the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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