Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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