FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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