I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
