Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
