maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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