I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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