No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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