She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When are your genitals available?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
