You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize