He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
