Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
