Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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