I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
