i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
