I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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